


a place is not a home

by zauberer_sirin



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Making Out, POV Skye | Daisy Johnson, mentions of Grant Ward - Freeform, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zauberer_sirin/pseuds/zauberer_sirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye catches Coulson feeling sad about his plane.</p><p>(Post-2x19)</p>
            </blockquote>





	a place is not a home

The Playground is never silent. Not really.

There's like this hum of energy always buzzing in your ears. There's always someone up. And there's the hushed conversations. More so since she – since she _changed_. Maybe she's imagining it but she thinks there are more hushed conversations around each corner now. 

And of course there's the fact that she can _feel_ them all now. Asleep or not, Skye can feel their vibrations. She's new at this but she's starting to tell them apart, the mood of them, vibrations of fear or unrest. And the base is filled with those tonight.

She walks, tired and bored of staying in the med area when there's nothing she can do.

She doesn't really feel like passing people by, so she skips the common areas and heads directly to the hangar, imagining no one is going to be working so late.

The garage is full of boxes and equipment they got out of the Bus before they went on the mission, knowing they had to leave anything valuable behind. It's really strange thinking about the plane having been destroyed. And stranger when she looks at the remnants of it, the stuff they carried out from the bunks, the personal stuff and the senstive material. It makes the place feel like a graveyard of sorts.

Coulson is here, too, in the darkness, sitting on one of the tech trunks.

Skye is not particularly surprised and she has been wanting to talk to him, anxious to, but he had disappeared after the mission and Skye had to take care of Lincoln and couldn't chase after him.

Coulson looks up at her when he finally notices her presence.

"Hey," she says, trying to sound normal, like they are not in a weird situation.

"How's Lincoln?" Coulson asks.

"Like the survivor of some urban legend about organ trafficking," she says. Coulson makes a confused face. "He's fine, fine. Hunter is keeping an eye right now. I needed a break."

Coulson nods and she comes closer. It's surreal to be back here in the base, not because it's been a long time, but because so much has changed.

"What are you doing here?" she asks him.

He looks around, the high ceiling of the hangar like a weird threat over them. So high. So dark. Not exactly silent because Skye can feel the humming of the base and wonders if Coulson feels it too, in some way.

"It looks really empty, doesn't it," Coulson says as she approaches.

She looks around.

He means without the Bus, of course.

With the rush of the mission and everything else – and boy has there been a lot of everything else in her life lately – she admits she hasn't had much time to process it, that the Bus is gone. She knows it, but she doesn't _know_ it yet.

If she asks herself she'd say her feelings on the matter are complicated. It was their plane, but it wasn't.

Coulson watches her pensive face for a moment.

"I'm sorry you had to see so much of Ward," he says, reading her mind. "It was never my intention..."

She grimaces. "That wasn't great, no."

"I was desperate," he says, and that word and that tone brings back a very precise memory.

"I got that," Skye says. "Next time wait until I contact you before you start teaming up with Nazis, okay?"

Coulson nods.

"I didn't know what had happened to you," he tells her. Skye wonders if he is making excuses, if he thinks he needs them. "I knew Hydra was experimenting on people with abilities. They might have had you already. There might have not been time to waste."

She sits by his side, on the slightly bigger trunk so she's looking down on Coulson. He is still wearing his tactical suit and he looks kind of small.

"Okay, but that was a bit too dramatic," Skye says.

"Yeah," he mutters, apologetic.

They stay in silence for a moment.

Skye wonders if she is angry at him, for bringing Ward in. She gets it, she knows what desperate feels like. She had been in the dark about what had happened back here but she didn't imagine Coulson could be in danger. It's different for him – he didn't know who had taken Skye away, only that she was at risk of ending up on a gurney in some dirty Hydra laboratory, about to be cut open.

And while she gets all this Skye can't help the gut reaction – Coulson _brought Ward_ – and she feels a bit betrayed by him. She doesn't need to beat Coulson up for it. She knows him, she imagines he's doing an excellent job of that himself.

Coulson looks more than small, he looks sad. Staring at the empty space in front of him where his plane should be.

"Places are not homes, you know," Skye says looking around. "I made that mistake before."

"It's hard not to get the metaphor, though," Coulson replies.

"I'd imagine the universe would be more subtle about those things."

He looks at her in a very strange way, a new, unfamiliar way. "I don't know about that."

"Earlier this year I stood in the middle of the holocom, missing the way things had been and I thought what was wrong was that we weren't taking the plane out anymore," she tells him. "But that wasn't what was wrong."

"What was wrong?" Coulson asks.

"You," she admits.

He says nothing. Maybe he gets it.

She wishes he believed her when she says places are not homes. She didn't just learn it on the now-lost SHIELD plane. She learned it so long ago. And yet suddenly she misses her van. Places are not homes but that one got pretty close.

She'd like to tell Coulson that too.

But there are things he has to know first. They haven't even started the important conversations.

She has so many words in the tip of her tongue.

She vaguely told him about being taken to Afterlife, where she was learning to control her powers. Who Gordon was. She told him that's where Cal and Raina had been taken, too. But in the chaos of the mission Skye had felt it wise not to talk about the other stuff. Specially with Ward around.

She feels like everybody is watching them inside this place. It used to be home. It still is home. But it feels full of spies. Skye is not sure what she can say aloud. But she needs to tell Coulson some things. They can't wait.

"I met my mom," she says, without preparing him.

"What?" Coulson frowns. "Wasn't she –?"

"She's alive. She survived what Whitehall did to her, because of her powers. Now she's the leader of this whole community of gifted people, people like me."

"You – saw her?"

"I've trained with her. She's alive," Skye repeats. Because she can barely believe it and saying it out loud, and saying it to Coulson of all people, makes it simultaneously finally real and completely unbelievable.

"That's..." Coulson starts, like he can't put it into words either. Then he grabs Skye by the arm and pulls her into a hug. It's a bit awkward at first because Skye is sitting taller than him. "That's _wonderful_ ," Coulson says, sunlight in his voice. "I'm so happy."

Skye feels very touched at that. Coulson's happiness for her is genuine. And yes, things with her mother and in Afterlife are messed up and complicated and she has no idea where it'll all end up. But she found her mother. And that simple joy is what Coulson seems to be hugging her for.

She feels touched and she hugs back, enjoying it too.

Then something happens.

Coulson wouldn't let go, not even after a while. He holds her closer.

Skye realizes the hug stopped being a joyful thing about her. Coulson is hugging her tight _for himself_.

His face feels unnaturally hot against her neck.

"Coulson... what's wrong?"

He doesn't answer immediately, his arms wrapped so tight around Skye's shoulders.

Skye freezes, her hands falling from where they had been around his back. She doesn't know how to react to this. This is very unlike Coulson. He's having some sort of breakdown and how can she help him.

"That was... my plane," he says into her collar.

His voice is like a little boy's bemoaning the loss of his favourite toy.

It sounds horrible.

Skye wants to comfort him, keep holding him back, touch her fingers to his nape or do something nice for him, but he sounds too sad. She can't. She _can't_.

When she pulls back his eyes are glazed over and he looks so sad Skye can't stand it. She keeps her hands pressed to his shoulders as he speaks.

"Sorry," he says, rubbing his face.

"Hey, remember my first mission with you guy? In Peru?" she asks. Coulson nods. "My first mission and my one contribution to the team was blowing up your plane."

Coulson swallows. He gives her a weak smile. "So it was _you_ idea."

"Come on, you always knew it was me."

"Yeah I did," he says, sounding wistfully and the next thing Skye knows is that he is pressing his mouth to hers.

Pressing might be too dramatic a term for what happens.

More like he brushes his lips gently across her, like he's scared of her reaction to the kiss.

Well.

Her reaction...

 _Uh_.

She's shocked. Not that Coulson is kissing her (although that too, she had no idea Coulson felt that way, did she miss something) but that it makes sense. It never has before. She remembers Hunter once saying they were like a married couple and that had been curious, and kind of nice to think about, but Skye didn't think there was any truth in that. 

She had't ever considered something like this before but yeah, it makes sense, she realizes when he kisses her. Coulson is her friend. He's also pretty much everything else to her. It makes sense he's this too.

She kisses back a bit. Experimentaly, because Coulson is still too hesitant, hand skimming over her arm like he doesn't dare touch bare skin (Skye _wants_ him to touch her, that's new too), his mouth trembling against hers. It feels good. Skye feels good about it. She hasn't felt this good about anything in a really long time.

He finally grabs her arm, but it's to pull her away and end the kiss, just when she was about to slide her tongue into Coulson's mouth and see what happened.

Skye looks at him, surprisingly _disappointed_.

"I'm not the Director of SHIELD anymore," he tells her, hurriedly.

At first she doesn't understand why the hell he's bringing that up but then – oh, it's just Coulson being Coulson.

"You know I wouldn't care about that," she tells him.

"I would. I do."

"And that's why you need me," she points out.

He frowns and suddenly Skye finds the little lines of his forehead when he does that very attractive and what is happening to her. 

"I need you?" Coulson repeats.

" _Coulson_. You brought Ward into a mission. Of course you need me."

His eyes darken, but in a good way, never leaving hers. "You're right. _I need you_."

He kisses her again.

This time is different. _So different_. Skye notices it immediately, in the hot tendrils uncoiling inside her stomach.

This time Coulson grabs her by the back of the neck and holds her against his mouth, tongue invading with a wonderful confidence. This feels a lot more like the Coulson she knows. Except she totally doesn't know _this Coulson_. She also doesn't know this version of herself that is grabbing Coulson by the shoulder so tightly like she's going to kill him if he dares let go.

But he doesn't seem to want to let go. He needs her. Skye can feel it. Viscerally. 

She slides along the trunk she's sitting on until one of her legs is resting over Coulson's knee, half her body draped over his as they explore each other's mouth shamelessly. Skye would worry about the speed at which everything is happening but she admits the speed is what makes it so exciting. She bites down on Coulson's bottom lip almost to check he's real and he rewards her with a fantastic, low-pitched moan Skye swallows like a luxurious dessert.

For a moment the rest of it all – her mother, Afterlife, _freaking Raina_ , this new scary SHIELD, her father, Lincoln getting hurt, having seen Ward – it fades a bit into the background because being touched like this feels so good.

His fingers skim over the waistband of her pants, moving up to slip under Skye's t-shirt. And though the contact of his hands on bare skin feels _amazing_ that feeling of being constantly watched comes back, makes her queasy in her stomach. That's the one thing that doesn't fade into the background. Here in the garage they are totally exposed.

She pulls away, grabbing Coulson's wrist.

He frowns at her, eyes glassy with lust. He looks like someone Skye doesn't know. Some she'd like to know.

"Sorry," he mutters, retreating.

She gives him a warm smile to let him know it's okay. She feels awkward, inexperienced, like she hasn't done this in a long time. Well, that part is true. Ward wasn't really a thing (and she's rather not think about that while Coulson still has his hot hand under her clothes) and Miles was a million years ago. 

"Normally I wouldn't care about anyone walking in on you feeling me up in the middle of the hangar but..." she tells Coulson. "From what Hunter has told me about SHIELD's Evil Twin and how they are running things around here, this might not be the greatest idea."

Coulson drops his gaze. "No."

"I just don't think those guys would appreciate the scene."

Coulson makes a weird face at that, worried, but mysterious. There's a lot of stuff he's not telling her. That bothers her.

He drops his hand to her knee. Skye can still feel how hot it feels through the fabric of her pants. Her doubts get pushed down by a sudden hit of desire. Which is strange because she didn't think she could feel that way about Coulson before. But it's like something was waiting inside of her, to be activated. Maybe it's like going through the Mist – this thing with Coulson was always there, always part of her, but dormant until circumstances made it explode.

She touches the back of his hand shyly. Coulson's eye widen, like he has never been touched so intimately.

"And I have... I really have a lot of stuff to tell you," Skye says.

"Will you tell me now?" Coulson asks, eager.

" _Now_?"

He nods, and then his expression darkens for a moment. Skye watches him move his lips without a sound.

"I mean – I don't have an office anymore," he explains. "And I'm not sure I have a bedroom..."

"I think I still have a bunk around here."

 

 

+++

 

 

She tells him everything.

There's a lot of everything to go through.

It takes a while. Specially because they keep pressing pause to kiss some more.

Skye feels like a teenager – sneaking a boy into her room, speaking in low voices, kissing in whispers.

They settle into a rhythm easily – they could always do that in whatever they did, so Skye is not surprised they are compatible in here, in her stupidly small bed. She doesn't know where they are leading but she wants to sleep with him. It's a simple desire, really, with a complicated object. She wants to sleep with Coulson. _Wow_. Who saw that coming? Not her. Maybe Hunter. Definitely not her. 

"Why did you kiss me back?" Coulson asks.

"That's kind of a weird question right now," she says. They are tangled in each other, Skye has her leg between his, there's no way Coulson doesn't know she can feel his growing erection. She _really_ wants to sleep with him.

" _Skye_ ," he says, simply. She knows that voice. She can never refuse it.

She runs her fingers across the lines of his forehead. Up close he looks less stern than normally. She can see the little imperfections of his skin, freckles even. Not a face she thought she'd have this close but a face she has always liked.

"You looked sad about the Bus," she replies.

She can feel him frown under her fingertips.

"You kissed me to comfort me?" Coulson asks.

"What? _No_ , of course not," she tells him. "I kissed you because I hated seeing you sad and I figured out why."

Coulson nods, leaning across to kiss her again.

Another pause in the conversation.

They are not making much progress like this, but Skye doesn't mind. Her life has been so full of suck of late, and Coulson's hasn't been great either, she doesn't feel guilty in the least for opening a parenthesis in their very important and world-saving conversations so they can make out. She holdin onto Coulson's body like a lifeline, discovering things for the first time – things like him having nice, muscled arms, she hadn't noticed before. Or smelling good. Or maybe Skye is just really, really starved.

"What's going to happen now?" she asks, eventually. Eventually meaning Coulson's lips are almost red and she imagines hers are pretty much like that and it warms something inside her.

"I don't know," Coulson admits. "Gonzales will probably want you in a cell."

"Yeah I got that vibe."

He swallows and wraps his hand around Skye's elbow.

"We'll have to find a way to get you out of the Playground," he tells her, somber.

The feeling that they are being watched hasn't exactly disappeared yet. She just pushed it down however she could because she needed to be doing this.

"What about you?" she asks.

"I think Gonzales wants me in a cell too."

"Really?"

"I think I'm in the Index now," Coulson says, unsure.

" _You_? Wow."

It makes sense, if she thinks about it – Coulson is technically _a zombie_ , though out of respect she'd never tell him that, and also she's not comfortable thinking the guy she's making out with tonight was dead for days at some point – but still. _Wow_. Coulson in the Index. 

"Yeah."

Skye bites the inside of her cheek, realizing this little sanctuary they have right here is a lie. She realizes how things are.

"So that means I can't stay," she says.

Coulson looks like he is relieved she said it first. She gets it. Coulson would rather have her away from him than in danger. But they are both unsure what danger constitutes in this case. There's the presence of Cal and Raina to think about. And Skye does not know Jiaying well enough yet to know what she'll do about that.

"They are not very welcoming towards people like you here," Coulson says. "No agents like Gonzales. Not right now."

But she doesn't want to leave Coulson again. Not when they know _this_ now.

"You could come with me," she suddenly says. Not sure there's a plan there, she just likes the idea of running away with Coulson somewhere. It's impulsive and romantic and she wants something impulsive and romantic in her life right now.

"To Afterlife?" he asks.

Skye frowns. No yeah that would be a disaster.

"No. They are not very welcoming towards people like you there."

"So here we are."

"Very Romeo and Juliet," Skye comments, arching an eyebrow.

He chuckles.

Skye kisses his cheek.

"I have good memories," Coulson tells her. "Of the Bus."

He still looks sad.

"Me too," she admits. She tries to keep those. And she tries to focus on the ones that are about Coulson right now. The first jokes, the first secrets they shared like they were partners. Did they flirt? They hugged a few times. Whatever this is she is doing with him tonight it definitely started on that plane. "But some of those good memories... they are a lie. I don't like lies."

Coulson nods.

It was _his plane_. She gets that. But she was kidnapped in it, so seeing it go up in flames didn't have the same effect on her.

He leans to kiss her again but she pulls back.

"So you're not Director anymore?" she asks, all of the sudden.

"No."

"So you're _AC_ again."

She likes the idea. Their relationship is not like that anymore – well, _obviously_ – but it brings back good memories.

"I'm really not sure if I'm even an agent of SHIELD anymore. Or which SHIELD."

"So... just _C_ , then, I guess," she says, drawing the line of his thin lips with her index.

She slips her finger past his teeth and Coulson swirls his tongue over it, sucking,

Shit that's hot, Skye thinks, unable to resist kissing him again because of that. Who knew Coulson could be this hot? 

He's still wearing his tactical clothes and the tight shirt leaves very little to the imagination. When Skye runs her hand across his chest she can perfectly make out the shape of his scar under the fabric. That feels a bit weird, like they are not ready for it, so Skye draws her palm across his nipple and Coulson moans at the friction.

Coulson grabs the back of her thigh and drapes her leg over his waist. They are too busy doing that and they don't seem to contemplate the idea of losing their clothes for now. Skye grabs him by the ass, pressing him to her, groning when he grinds against her. 

Everything is very adolescent, very frustrating.

Coulson's hand slipping from her leg to the curve of her ribcage, loose and light. _He's not fourteen_ , Skye thinks, _if he wants to touch my boobs he should just get on with it_.

She smiles at that thought, smiles into his mouth thinking about a teenager Phil Coulson fumbling in the dark with a girl.

"Wait," he says, tearing his mouth from hers.

"Oh no, I don't like that idea," Skye says, drawing back anyway. She's still basically curled around his middle and Coulson still has one hand up her back, mixed signals here.

She hopes he has a good excuse. It's strange because Skye doesn't normally do this. She knows she looks a certain way and people just will assume things but she doesn't jump into bed with guys. It normally takes her a long time to get there.

"Director Fury used to say something–" Coulson starts.

"You're thinking about Fury while we make out? Okay, I guess I'll go with it."

"It's not that," he says, looking cross. Skye smiles at him and let him explain his point. "He used to say that the flaw in acting like there's no tomorrow is that history has proven there's a high possibility that's not true."

Fury is quite verbose, from what she's heard.

She rolls her eyes.

"Is that your roundabout way of saying you don't want to sleep with me?" she asks.

Coulson looks apologetic, cheeks flushed.

"I want to sleep with you," he says, and even though she knew this already – she has the proof of it pressed against her inner thigh – it feels weirdly nice to hear it. Almost normal. Normal for them. Okay, _not normal_ but nice anyway. "But. Not tonight. Not while things are so..."

"Messed up?" she offers.

And that's the polite way of putting it.

She sighs and rests her head on Coulson's shoulder.

That's nice. If she can't _sleep with him_ maybe she can just sleep with him. Coulson loosens his grips on her, and his whole body becomes softer to welcome her exhaustion. Skye can no longer feel the rest of the base out there, their vibrations, scared or scheming, the feeling that they are always watching her. Not right now. Right now she can only feel Coulson's heart – under his shirt, under his scar – it goes fast and it drowns any other noise.

She closes her eyes for a moment, imagining she could rest. She knows she can't, but this would be the perfect place.

"I'm so tired. I just wish I could sleep in the same bed for more than three days at a time," she says, cuddling up to him.

She opens her eyes.

Coulson touches her hair, staring at her face with a very serious expression.

"Places are not homes," he tells her, brushing his fingers across her cheek.

She smiles.

 _Time to work_.

She notices him watching her sit up.

"Okay, AC," she says, looking at him over her shoulder. "What's the plan?"


End file.
